I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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