My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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