Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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