super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
