I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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