Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
