The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
