Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
