some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
