What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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