I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
