he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
