Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
