My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
