some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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