my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
