It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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