I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
