I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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