i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
