Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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