I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
