i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
