i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
