i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize