Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
