Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
