I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
