Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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