just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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