I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
