If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
