I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
