there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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