I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
