I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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