Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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