i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
