hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
