how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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