he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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