worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
