I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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