Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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