He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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