I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
