how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
