Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
