I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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