So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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