If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
