she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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