Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
