Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
