Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
