i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
