you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this just has baby written all over it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
