i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
