my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
