i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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