Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
