Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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