On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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