I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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