Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
