wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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