can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
