i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize