Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
