They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
