umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
