Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
