Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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