Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
