oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
