He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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