just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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