Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
